i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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