Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
