Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
