Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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