Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
from now on my penis is your penis
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
