i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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