I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
