Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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