Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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