Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
