i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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