mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
