Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize