I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
