You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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