Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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