We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
