after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
