So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
