if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
