I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I made him laugh his dick is mine
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
