Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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