so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
