end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
