Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
