So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
