she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
