i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
