Soap is not a condiment
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
