Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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