the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
