i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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