how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
