but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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