I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
