Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We have so much sex to catch up on
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
