My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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