Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
