So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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