I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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