Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
