i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
