Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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