i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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