The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
