I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
