we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
