watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
