You can't special order awesome
high people should be assigned attendants
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
