I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
