It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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