So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
