Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
