I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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