I just threw up on my dentist
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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