First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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