Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
