Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A bitchslap is in order.
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