Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
