official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
