im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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