He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
