also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
