Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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