In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
