I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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