I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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