But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Screwed.edu
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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