I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
