theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
