it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
