I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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