you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
