The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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