I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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