I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
