just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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