It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
