Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
