she was so not down for the gang bang
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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