Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
