i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you made out with another girl for some wings
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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