i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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