and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
