Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
