So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
