just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
