they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
