My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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