I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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