the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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